I am finding that while I sometimes think that I have some insight into the human condition and how the passage of time and the circumstances of life affects people , and enjoy the process of putting these feelings into words; I am horrible at taking my own advice. I do not transition well . ( That IS a verb, isn’t it ? ) lol ; )
So, I am sitting around on a Saturday evening, bored as a gourd with nothing constructive to do, so I flip through some you tube videos and settle on watching season 14 Most Fun American Idol and find myself smiling to the point of crying and I wonder WTF is the matter with me.
Have you ever 24 ? Been so caught up in all the negative you have surrounded yourself with for the past year that you finally lost the ability to communicate in a positive manner ?
So,it is with a sense of relief bordering on foolishness and patheticism, and having discovered a newborn sense of wonder and amusement, I now have found a sense of direction and the remembered feeling of joviality necessary to help guide me back to,
personability, if you will.
Anyway, this bit made me feel a bit better, and a little bit better is definitely better than a bunch of bitter ! ; )
Ahh, the stroke of the keypad feels rusty. The rhythym of the letters does not exist as a beat, a count, but rather as a rush and a rest, a starting and stopping.
My point of view has shifted so imperceptively but so very definitely, I suppose there should not be any wonder at the confusion that exists in my mind. I mean it IS still from behind the same eyes and from within the same mind I compose but with the emergence of a new facet built into wall of logic from whence the ideas flow it seems that the pull of the current steers the flow of the words onto and over the banks of the old stream of thought and begins cutting new channels that guide the impetus of expressed ideas and mores.
It really seems odd to me that the realization of what physical health means to the thinking being should change so much how that being expresses itself. Having come to that point I cannot deny what is so obviously true….I am not the same man I was two weeks ago. And that being said, even though my main thoughts and outlooks remain the same, enough variance exists that expressing those feelings is equal to revealing the thoughts of a comparative stranger.
When one declares from a platform familiar and steady the power of the words reflects the stability of the platform and when the platform exists in a state of flux the resolve of the words seems unsteady even to the hand that wields them.
Enough of self-revelation, for now it is enough to have restarted the engine and having goosed the throttle a little it is enough to have committed these few words to paper, it is enough to have acknowledged a new beginning.
The past six to eight weeks have found me dealing with a health issue , one that I cannot seem to get a step ahead of. Abdominal bloating and shortness of breath along with painfully swollen feet and calves has led to much blood work and a scheduled battery of tests to try to determine what and from where this malady is and occurs. Several common culprits have been ruled out and a few unlikely scenarios are being investigated. I write this, not to alarm anyone, but to try to clarify the importance inherent to a potentially life style changing ailment to myself as I have never endured any medical emergency much more serious than a pesky case of pneumonia and a minor TIA in my life. I suppose that I am trying to say that ” Even if my scribblings begin to quibble with various physical maladies and the treatments involved, rest assured that I remain nonplussed inasmuch as my views on life and soul remain essentially unchanged. Thank you all in advance for your future patience and understanding . ” ; )