I am wondering again


I have been thinking and wondering a little bit lately. All right, you have caught me in my lie. I have been delving into my soul and pondering the universe and blaming God at the same time I have been begging for guidance. I have worn the stairs of my mind into a ramp fit for the disabled me that I have created while wondering “Why?” Why, where and when did I fall so far out of touch with myself that I was waking to a new bed partner even though I have taken to sleeping alone these days.[figurative] I no longer recognized me.

Sure, I have been wading through many changes in my life recently, changes in my body as I age concern me as does the perception that people do not seem to see me as I am accustomed to being seen. Has everyone really changed so much ? Or is there some radical change in my persona, some shift in my paradigm that I have yet to accept or adjust to ?

Stepping back, looking at my self from a third party view, reviewing my thoughts, memories and feelings revealed much to me that I have forgotten. With the depreciation of some skills comes the appreciation of some new and I am just learning more useful ways of expressing them. In short, there does seem to be some illumination in my night, a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

The lyrics , ” I am a mirror ” from an old song acted as a trigger in my mind ; they reminded me how I have used the reflections of folks off myself as a tool of understanding. I also realized that I was accepting those reflections of myself from others as gospel proof of self, that is to say I was believing in someone elses propaganda.

I do not think that there are enough words or enough time to succinctly communicate my ideas of what I have been through over the past few years, but I do know deeply now, that the disparaging thoughts and words of those folks with a bent to tear others down while intending to make themselves taller in comparison, should not be dismissed as coming from harmless, mean people, but should be taken seriously and fearlessly and they should be set firmly into their place at the trough from which they feed. And though I do feel pity for those who choose to follow such vermin, I no longer have a need for such weakness of character in my life and these people shall have to wallow in the mire created when they forgot to think for themselves.

Anybody want to dance ? ; )

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29 thoughts on “I am wondering again

  1. Will I have been thinking the same! ! I am so feeble hearted. ..I think I can’t face these evil antagonists. .yet I know I am right and I have to do confrontations! ! God ! I am venting 😂

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    1. Venting is good. I really do not like to be forced into the cofrontation. Forcing anything is bad manners and brings out the worst in me. Carry on and give ’em hell , Izza ! ; )

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  2. Where have you been? I’ve missed you and your insightful musings. Those who would tear you down to level the playing field lose the opportunity to grow to your level. It sounds trite, but Americans are so steeped in the idea of competition, they’ve forgotten that cooperation brings out the best in everybody, especially if the shared task inspires them.

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      1. If it seems hollow to you, it does to others, too. Our current culture’s addiction to style over substance is showing itself for vapid pretense it is.

        We are the laughing stock of the world, only fooling ourselves that we are worth emulating.

        We are leading by example, for better or worse. I still hope we can learn to live and let live in harmony.

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